To err is human, to forgive divine

A very famous quote by Alexander Pope in 1711 and three centuries later those words are still very valid. Everyone makes mistakes, it is human nature. However, forgiveness of others and especially of oneself is very difficult. I openly admit to making plenty of mistakes and missteps in my lifetime. I often speak before thinking and tend to be quite overly-passionate. I often come across to others as harsh and cold, but I assure you, I am neither. In fact, one of my biggest flaws is that I often have too much emotion. I may not show those feelings in a conventional way, but I assure you I am a very sensitive person.

To those reading this that I may have offended or hurt over the years in one way or another, I do apologize. I usually know when I have said or done something wrong immediately after it happens. However, it is often too late to erase the situation and the only thing left to do is apologize. I understand it is often difficult to accept one’s apology and even harder to give complete forgiveness to someone. We have all been hurt, and forgiveness is a way to leave yourself vulnerable to possibly get hurt again. I am sure by this point in our lives; every one of us has been hurt in one way or another by several friends, family members, acquaintances and strangers. As a result, we build up apprehensions, walls and defense mechanisms to protect ourself from being hurt again.

I do find it difficult to forgive someone who has wronged me, especially if it was done intentionally. I find it even more difficult to forgive myself for things that I have done or said in error throughout my lifetime. I am my harshest critic and no one could beat me up as much as I have over the years. However, I cannot dwell on the past and on the errors of my ways, because that would only ruin today and the chance I now have to do things correctly. This quote that I wrote is very much how I am trying to navigate my life: You cannot change the past, but changes you make in the present can change your future. I believe I am a story in the making, an unfinished product, with still a lot to learn and improve upon. We all are.

I feel like I share an awful lot on these blogs, yet I cannot tell if anyone is reading. I encourage you to leave a comment or take a poll, just so I know someone has been here. Otherwise, I am going to assume you are all a bunch of voyeurs…lol :)

Eat, Drink, Sing, Meditate, Love

Ok, so I removed ‘Pray’ and added ‘Drink’ and ‘Sing’, seems more suitable to me. I wasn’t planning on seeing the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, starring Julia Roberts, but I ended up going with a friend on a spur of the moment outing. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked the film and also at how much of the film pertains to my life. Based on a personal memoir of Liz Gilbert’s international quest for self, love, food, and the one word to describe herself, the film was quite entertaining. It was in no way the best film of the year, but it delivered some interesting messages in an entertaining way.

I think everyone can relate to either having her heart broken or breaking someone else’s heart along the way. The fear of putting yourself out there in a relationship and being vulnerable to someone else is a very scary proposition. Julia’s character, Liz, comes across as cold and heartless for parts of the film, often leading men on. She has no problem starting a relationship with a man, having sex, living with him for a while and then suddenly telling him she doesn’t love him or want to be with him any longer. In many ways, Liz behaves like a stereotypical man, perhaps out of fear of getting hurt. Regardless, the film delivers the message that it is better to put yourself out there than to shelter yourself from possible pain. If you never take any risks in life, how are you ever really living? Also, a big message in the film is to allow yourself to forgive yourself for past indiscretions, which is a very difficult thing to do. The film also made me realize that I would like to travel to Europe, particularly to Italy to enjoy some of its delectible cuisine. Also, I really need to follow through on my promise to myself to meditate; it is a great way to be centered and to really be present in the moment. I still do not know what my word would be…I guess I will keep searching.

INCEPTION

Well, I finally saw the movie Inception and it was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. Not only were the special effects phenomenal, but the storyline was unique and intriguing. Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the best actors of our generation and Ellen Page is one of the best up-and-coming actresses of the next generation. The film is not only entertaining, but also thought-provoking. Since the film contains many dream sequences and dreams within dreams, and as the characters struggle to remember what is real and what is a dream, it makes one ponder whether what we think is real life, is merely a dream. How do we know this is really happening? Are we dreaming right now? Are we a figment of someone else’s subconscious mind dreaming? How do we really know the truth?

There are two interesting notions brought up in the film. First, no one remembers the beginning of a dream. When we dream, we are suddenly in a school, a house, a building, but the dream never explains how we got there; much like life itself, on both the individual and collective levels. Each of us certainly does not remember when we were born. We don’t recall the first few years of our life. Instead, we merely take someone else’s word on it or see it through pictures, but we do not remember how we actually got into this world, how our life began. If we cannot remember how it began, is this merely a dream? On a larger scale, humanity in general has only theories as to how life began; no one really knows or remembers. Like a dream, there is no tangible beginning. Second, in the film when one dies in a dream, they wake up in real life. Does this mean that it is only when we die in this world, that we wake up to what is truly reality? Are our concepts of heaven and the after-life, actually real life and this which we call life, is merely a dream that we are waiting to wake up from? How do we know? As you can see, this film brings up many questions surrounding what is real and what is not. At least that is what I got out of the film. I highly suggest that you see this film. If for nothing else, because of the amazing special effects.

Eclipse and Dragon

I decided to write a review of the most recent movie I have seen coupled with a review of the most recent book I have read. OK, I admit it, I am a Twilight fan. I have always had a fasination with vampires, and this is just one of the recent vampire chronicles that I enjoy. I am also currently a follower of True Blood and The Vampire Diaries. Eclipse was my favorite of the 4 Twilight books and I was not disappointed in the movie-version. I actually saw Eclipse twice. The first time was the weekened after opening week and I had the unfortunate experience of sitting in front of some pre-teen ‘Twi-hards’ who were most certainly members of ‘Team Jacob’. Everytime Taylor Lautner was on screen, they let out high-pitched screams; very annoying when trying to watch the film. I got a much better sense of the movie by my 2nd viewing, sans pre-teen girls. The film was entertaining, very true to the book and had great effects. This was my favorite of the 3 Twilight movies so far. I highly recommend it to any Twilight fan as well as anyone who just likes vampires and maybe a few werewolves (and these are HUGE werewolves). I am at a loss as to how they will be able to accomplish turning book 4 – Breaking Dawn – into 1 or 2 films. I was quite disturbed on many levels with the storyline of that final book. I don’t think it would make a good film, unless they drastically diverge from the book. I guess we will have to see what happens with that…

I just finished reading ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ by Stieg Larsson and loved it. The first 60 pages or so I found to be very uneventful and somewhat confusing. Beware that the author is Swedish and the character names can be a bit unusual and confusing to remember or even pronounce. Once I got past the boring part and onto the beginning of the plotline, things were much better. I really like the 2 main characters in the book, the mismatched duo of - Mikael Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander. After the plot began to unfold and about 250 pages into the book I wasn’t able to put it down. The story was exciting and thrilling and I just needed to find out more. This book has already been made into a Swedish film which I heard was very good, and will be made into a US film as well. I believe the book definitely lends itself to being a great film. I highly recommend this book.

The next film I want to see is Salt and the next book I intend to read is The Hobbit – Look for my reviews of those soon!

Is There Anybody Out There?

Gotta love Pink Floyd, they asked it best. As I write this, I cannot help but wonder if there really is anyone out there who actually reads this. Are my blogs merely for my own pleasure or do they actually get shared with others who take a few minutes out of their day to read them? Unless a comment is posted on this blog page, I cannot actually tell if anyone has visited this site. However, I did receive a very nice note from an old middle school friend who likes the blog, thanks for the note!

I guess I’m having one of those reflective days where you wonder whether anything you are doing really matters or makes any difference in the grand scheme of things. Does anyone read this blog? If I stopped writing this blog, would it really matter? Does my job impact anyone or make a difference? Am I doing all I can to make a difference in this world? I recycle and I try to conserve energy, but beyond those simple things, I know there is more that I could be doing. Do you always know when you’re making a difference; even in just one person’s life? Unless people tell you or show you that you are making an impact, you may never know. Come to think of it, I cannot even recall the last time I told someone that impacted me that I appreciate him/her? Why not? I need to be better at that. I think we all should try to make a conscious effort to communicate more openly and honestly with each other. Reading minds and making assumptions never works and without communication we may never really know if anyone is out there…

Welcome Summer!

I spent this past weekend with my mom and brother who were visiting from Arizona and the weather was perfect. We had an enjoyable long weekend which included seeing a Red Sox game, 9 holes of golf, trips to 2 casinos, a trip to Mystic, CT., swimming and dining out. Summer is finally here and hopefully will stay a lot longer than it did last year; afterall it is my favorite season!

I plan on golfing more, since I really need the practice; it is fun and good exercise. I would like to meet up with some friends on weekday evenings for 9 holes. If anyone has any suggestions on a decent, not too pricey golf course in the Milford or Attleboro area, let me know.

Change

There are a lot of theories on whether people can and do actually change. Some popular sayings such as “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “once a ___, always a ____”, suggest that for the most part, as a society, we don’t believe change is possible. However, it is a scientific fact that humans change every 7 years. Every cell of the human body is replaced over a period of 7 years. Personality, mental and emotional changes also occur; none of us is the same person we were 7 years ago. Of course continuous environmental factors and life experiences also help change to occur. So biologically, physiologically and mentally, we are continuously changing. However, we don’t always recognize or accept that fact because the very thought of ‘change’ is frightening to most people.

Most of the change I talked about above is automatic and uncontrollable. However, the real question is, can someone make a conscious change? Can someone set out to change something about them, whether it is physical, mental or emotional and succeed? I believe they can. In fact, I think that since change is so automatic for humans, change is probably easier than you would think; it is in our nature to change. If someone wants to lose weight and live a healthier life, it requires a conscious decision followed by determination. If someone wants to change a certain characteristic about their personality or habits, the same diligence will also lead to success. When I was in law school, I had several classmates who were over the age of 50, who had full-time jobs and children at home, but went to law school at night because they wanted a career change. And I thought night school was hard; I couldn’t imagine doing it 20 years older than I was while also juggling children and a full-time job! Desire and determination can make anything happen…

June 1st

Well, my favorite season is pretty much here. The pool is open and I am starting to work on my tan, ok sunburn. I have been thinking about what I would like to do over the next few months now that the weather should be better. I would like to spend a lot more time outside in the yard, enjoying the pool, the deck, the puppy and the sun; of course as long as my allergies allow me to. Also, I hope to get to the golf course more often this summer, as I really need the practice and it is also pretty good exercise. Those outdoor movie nights, campfires and water volleyball games also sound good about now. I really need to fit more exercise into my daily schedule, but I really hate going to the gym or walking the trail by myself. It seems more like work that way, when someone else is there to talk to, the time just flies by. Another thing I have also been thinking about is taking my camera and going on some nature hikes. I love taking pictures of landscapes and scenery. If anyone is interested in some hiking and photography, let me know. Bring on the nice weather!

Back to Reality

Well Nashville was a great city and I would certainly go there again. I now know what a honky-tonk is and it is awesome! Free live music, great band playing after great band, playing only for tips. Dancing, singing and requesting songs all night long. Broadway and 2nd Ave. felt like Disney land to me! I am a huge music fan and love live bands so this was like heaven to me. I also enjoyed the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Nash Trash Tour is a must for anyone going to the music city, and the visit to Lynchburg was great also. Overall, the food was reasonably priced and yummy.

The only bad thing about vacation is that it has to end. Back to reality, and my reality isn’t very joyous right now. I am certainly learning a lot about the people around me and realizing the term ‘friend’ has been way too loosely applied to many, many people. It is really amazing how once I stopped being the one to make all the social plans, trying to get people together, going out of my way for other people to celebrate birthdays and special events, trying to reach out and make new friends, suddenly my social calendar is empty and no one is reaching out to me…hint taken!

Music City, Here I come!

Yee haw! I am headed to Nashville on Thursday, and you have no idea how badly I need a vacation. It will be a fun time; days filled with sightseeing and nights filled with live music, dancing and honky tonks. Bring on the fun and bring on the fried chicken and biscuits. I cannot wait to enjoy some southern cooking! Supposedly there are a whole lot of bars, clubs and honky tonks with live bands every night and no cover charge, perfect! Since the flood waters have receded, mostly everything is now open, with the exception of Opryland and The Wild Horse Saloon. I am not upset about missing Opryland, but I do hope Wild Horse opens by this weekend. Overall, it seems we lucked out and we will be able to have a great trip despite the recent devastation that the city endured. And in a way, we will also be helping the Tennessee economy by going. I am also looking forward to The Nash Trash Tour, The Country Music Hall of Fame, and visiting Lynchburg – home of Jack Daniels distillery and Miss Mary Bobo’s Boarding House. It should be a blast!

What Ever Happened to Edie Brickell?

Yeah, I know she married Paul Simon, who is about 30 years her senior and eww. According to Wikipedia, she has made a few albums over the years, none reached mainstream radio, but I will check them out on iTunes. However, the album Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars is on my top 10 list of favorite albums of all time. It is filled with brilliantly written lyrics and great melodies. On my drive to work this morning, my iPod played one of my favorite songs from the CD and one which I can certainly relate to.

CIRCLE
Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
And we notice you don't come around
Me, I think it all depends
On you touching ground with us.
But, I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems. And I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems.

And being alone Is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's the best way to be.
When I'm by myself nobody else can say goodbye.

Everything is temporary anyway.
When the streets are wet --
The color slip into the sky.
But I don't know why that means you and I are-
that means you and....I quit -- I give up.
Nothin's good enough for anybody else it seems.
But I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else it seems.

And being alone Is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's the best way to be.
When I'm by myself nobody else can say...

Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
And we notice you don't come around.
Halalalalalala

Thought I was Outside My Comfort Zone

But as it turned out; I just didn’t give myself enough credit. Trying new things may seem scary and intimidating, but actually they don’t really have to be. This past weekend, I went away for the first time ever by myself. I have several friends who love to travel alone, golf alone and even go to movies and restaurants alone. The very thought of that frightens me. I even have a friend who frequently hikes alone. That is just dreadful to me, I would be so paranoid that I would break my ankle in the middle of the woods somewhere or be attacked by an animal and no one would be there to help and it would be days before I would ever be found. Although I did have a nice weekend away by myself, I still would not do any of those other things alone. I would travel alone again, but I would not make it a regular thing, as I am a very social person and I just need to have someone to talk to…

It felt nice to be in a place without tv, computers, radio, people that I know; no distractions. One thing I realized is that I am always rushing around to get to the next thing. I am very fast at everything I do, driving, thinking, reading, working, etc. Slow is just not a speed that I ever function in, but that may not always be a good thing. We live is a very fast-paced society and with technology, things keep getting faster. I never really stop and enjoy the moment, enjoy what is already here. I am always thinking about what I have to do next, where I need to be; how I will get there and how long it will take to get there. But what the hell am I rushing for and where the hell are any of us really going anyway? One of the things I know I need to work on is enjoying this moment, being more present in my own life. Because all we really have is this moment, the past is gone forever and tomorrow may just never come.

Be Happy!

Sounds like such a simple concept, doesn’t it? But for some of us it isn’t so simple. I admit I have not been the happiest of people through the years. I have been one to say, “I will be happy when I _____”; fill in the blank with almost anything: graduate, pass the exam, have a career, get married, get a puppy, and the list goes on and on. Happiness as a future concept won’t make today a very happy day. However, recently I have been reading some insightful books and taking some great seminars and have come to realize that it really is important to be happy today. We have only one life and except for the vampires of the world, we are all mortal, and unless you can predict the future, no one knows what will happen tomorrow.

I want to share something simple yet insightful from a seminar I recently attended. The stresses and problems in life are only ‘events’, and so far you have survived every ‘event’ that has been thrown at you. In fact, you will survive every single ‘event’ in your life, with only one exception, the final one (death). So, since we realize that we can and have survived everything, the key is realizing these ‘events’ aren’t as bad as we may first think they are. If you are like me, you tend to blow some things out of proportion – traffic, bad weather, change in plans, an argument, etc. Visualize a scale from 0% to 100%, this scale represents physical ‘events’: 2% is a bump, 5% a bruise, 7% a cut, 10% a sprained ankle, 15% a broken non-dominant arm, 20% broken dominant arm, 50% loss of a non-dominant limb, etc, all the way up to 100% being the worst physical pain possible. So if you equate the other events in life to this scale, you will find that you will never reach above a 10% let alone come close to 50%. For example, traffic would probably only equate to a bump (2%) on the physical event scale, but you may act like it is the end of the world when you are stuck in a jam. Putting events into perspective like this really helps you realize that things are not as bad as we make them out to be. So, be happy!

Mother Nature – Hell Hath no fury Like a Woman Scorned!

And boy is she pissed…as evidenced by all the recent floods, fires, earthquakes, volcanoes and tornadoes. I swear, I have been recycling! But I do understand why she may be pissed, many people abuse this planet and we all certainly take it for granted one way or another. And like the movie 2012, these could be precursors for the end of the world. Perhaps those ancient Mayans were right; the end may be coming on December 21, 2012. But that is a topic for another day.

The reason for this post today is that a few friends and I have a trip planned for the Music City in 2 weeks. Yep, that Music City, the one that is currently under water. Just my luck that my only vacation in 2 years, (other than trips to visit family which cannot really be considered a ‘vacation’) is to a destination that is flooded. What are the odds of that? Well these days, quite good actually. So please cross your fingers with me that the flood waters recede and the city gets mostly back to normal. I could certainly use a vacation away to a fun destination. Nashville may not seem like a destination on the top of your travel list, but there is actually a lot to do there. Hopefully I will get to experience that and then tell you all about it when I return. Let the flood waters recede!